blubber

you know, sometimes i wonder if it's even worth my going to these get together things we have in the college group here in town. it's not that i don't have a good time while i'm there it's just afterwards i'm kinda bummed. i go through the evening feeling awkward and out of place. i've had a crush on this guy for the longest time, it's like, i get over it and then i spend time around him again and the feelings come back. anyway, he really doesn't look twice at me and when he does i get the feeling that i've just done something really stupid and he thinks i'm young... like teenager young. perhaps it's because i've had such a bad previous dating experience. or maybe it's because i'm scared of myself. or maybe it's even something else. i don't know. all i know is that i'm getting really tired of it and sometimes wish i didn't have to deal with my ever changing, ever ranging emotions. no, it's not the hormones so don't even try to place it on them.

perhaps i'm an attention hogging, guy chasing, emotional wreck and that's it. yeah, that might be it.